19 April 2010

Checking in

I'm so sorry I've been neglecting my poor blog (and thus you, my readers) for so long. I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Here's why.

When the boys were both in full time school for the first time it was like a holiday for me. For the first time in eight years I had hours to myself every single day and it was so restful. Christmas came and went and I really enjoyed that. January brought the stress of Grant's trip to New Zealand, which kept us occupied as well.

But as the months drifted by after that I began to feel like I was sinking a little. I've been having a bit of an identity crisis. For so long I had either a baby or a toddler or both at home with me and I really felt like a full time mom. Now, with them both at school, I've been feeling like I'd lost some of my identity and purpose. It doesn't help that the winter went on for so long and that my friends live far away so I am quite isolated.

I became more and more demotivated to do anything. Whenever anyone used to say to me that they couldn't be a homemaker because they'd get too bored I would be amazed - I had a whole list of things I wanted to do! But it's funny how when you have all the time in the world to do those things you don't really feel like doing them. When you have the luxury of putting things off "until tomorrow" you often seem to do so.

I was feeling like I'd lost my passion for the things I had enjoyed before (yes, I know this sounds like depression and yes, there's been a little of that lurking too). I also feel really in limbo at the moment, not knowing when we'll be moving out of this house and not knowing when we'll be going over to New Zealand (or even if our plans will work out). Because the house is on the market I have kind of emotionally detached from it so housework feels more like a chore than ever, there's no point in doing any decorating and I've no interest in making a garden this summer (although Grant is happily doing so himself).

Then it turns out that I have a magnesium deficiency and my vitamin D is low again too! No wonder I've felt so rough and so exhausted. When I Googled the symptoms of magnesium deficiency it became clear why I've felt steadily more and more drained physically, more irritable, down, etc. (I have a LOT of the symptoms). I'm really hopefully that once I get my magnesium and vit D levels up again I'll feel my old pep come back. I really want to start jogging with Grant and rediscover some of my old hobbies. And tackle that huge list of things I want to do!

So that's the looong spiel about where I've been. On the upside, I start my Certificate in Counseling Concepts course on Thursday, I have a trip to my friend Laura planned for the week after and I'm starting monthly organising workshops for the ladies at church which I'm really excited about. Spring is in the air and the temperature is slightly milder but best of all we've had some sunshine. We are still waiting for date for Grant's test but when that comes through we'll be enjoying a trip down to London and get to see my cousin along the way. My mom is planning a trip to visit us as soon as the silly Iceland volcanic ash cloud disperses and flights resume. Things can only get better.

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