20 December 2011

This is the calm after the storm?!

What a busy few days. We got back on Friday late afternoon and I spent the rest of the day and Saturday morning unpacking, doing some housework, laundry and icing cupcakes for our church Christmas party. Saturday afternoon we went body-boarding and in the evening was the party.

Sunday was church, a nap and then I went to a Christmas concert with R.

Through it all I felt emotional and overwhelmed and a little fragile. What's up with that? Grant is back now, all of our stress and drama is behind us. I should feel relieved and happy, right? Then what's with all the emotion? It wasn't just me either - Noah had a bit of an emotional meltdown on Saturday but he felt better after I spent some time cuddling him and talking it through.

Sunday night I couldn't sleep. I only went to bed at 11pm but then lay there for an hour, awake. I got up and read for an hour then went back to bed and thankfully to sleep.

Yesterday morning Grant went to work and I woke up around 8:50am, super tired but full of enthusiasm to get the house in order, tidy up, do laundry, plan some meals, tackle some crafting. I was pottering around, busy but still feeling emotional, when my neighbour came by with some empty jars for me and while we were chatting I embarrassingly burst into tears. She was very kind and understanding and after she left I pulled myself together and carried on around the house.

At about 1pm I was pulling some pallets apart to use the wood for a craft project, when I turned around and stepped on a board. I felt a sharp pain, like you would stepping on a stone, and jerked my foot back, only to see the board of wood come with it. That's when I realised I'd stepped on a 3-inch nail and it had gone through my Croc and through my foot. Sick feeling as I had to use my other foot to stand on the board so I could pull my foot off the nail, then hobble into the house to inspect the injury.

The nail went through the ball of my foot just below my third toe and almost exited at the top next to my third toe - there is a red mark where it almost punctured the skin there. I was kind of freaking out at the grossness of it and it was kind of the last straw - I cried and cried and cried and cried. I was alone with the kids and couldn't go to the doctor for a tetanus shot as Grant had the car. It was kind of the last straw after the last 4-and-a-half months of nobody here to take care of me. I guess all of the emotions of our separation plus the stress, loss, frustration, uncertainty and change of the last two years just came crashing over me and I couldn't stop sobbing. Eventually I calmed down enough to take a nap - I was just exhausted.

When Grant came home we went to the Accident & Medical walk-in clinic. We were there for two hours. I had to have x-rays of three different angles of my foot to make sure the bone hadn't been chipped, a tetanus shot (hardly felt it) and went home with a prescription for ibuprofen and antibiotics.

Of course I couldn't sleep last night either, and only drifted off after 1am. I just feel spent and a little crazy.

So, please weigh in and tell me I'm not insane ... especially you military wives (or anyone who has emigrated) ... did you kind of melt down after it was all over and your husband was back? How long before you could settle back into normal life?

Have you ever stepped on a nail? How long before it felt better?

And yes, for those wondering it feels about how you would expect it to, which is incredibly frustrating less than a week before Christmas as I have so much to do. Just call me Hopalong Cassidy. At least it's my left foot so I can still drive, although I will have trouble walking when I get wherever I'm going. I'm SO grateful Grant is home. He's working this week but he's on leave for the next two weeks - and his brother arrives on Friday for a couple of weeks.

I guess I just need to let go of some of the things I was planning on doing. I guess I also need to accept that it will take time to get over what we've been through, and be patient with myself in the meantime. I have so much to be grateful for - getting to live in NZ, being together as a family, beautiful summer, kind and supportive friends, good health and of course Christmas and all that it means. Even my foot injury could have been so much worse and I'm grateful it wasn't.

I'll be okay.

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