19 January 2010

Funny book

As you know, I have two little boys. Now, I'm sure you also know that little boys love potty humour. So it was with great glee that we borrowed this book from the library:

It is hilarious. I had to share it here. So, here goes:

The Great Dog Bottom Swap

The day had arrived for the Dogs' Summer Ball.
All the dogs in the world were lined up at the hall,
Where a sign on the door said, "Now please be so kind
As to keep your coat on but remove your behind.
Please hang up your bottom on one of the pegs
And remember, no growling or cocking of legs."

So as they went in - every dog, pooch and pup -
They took off their bottoms and hung them all up.
Hundreds and hundreds of little pink 'o's
All neatly arranged in methodical rows.

[Isn't this picture funny? Click to enlarge.]

What a feast the dogs had at the ball on that night!
The table was quite a magnificent sight.
They dined on fresh giblets and dog-biscuit stew
With slippers and old dug-up sheep bones to chew.
Then doggy-choc ices all creamy and brown
And fresh puddle-watter to wash it all down.

When the poodles had cleared all the food bowls away
It was time for some fun form the dogs' cabaret.
The pekes did a song in ridiculous hats,
And a labrador told a rude joke about cats.
Then Coco the Conjurer got a huge laugh
By pretending to saw a dalmatian in half.

"And now," Coco said, to great woofs of applause,
"It's time for the dancing, so up on your paws!"
"Look at us!" said an over-excited young hound
As he whisked a fox terrier clear off the ground.
"Watch out!" cried a sensible boxer named Clive
As the hound and the terrier started to jive.

They swirled and they twirled ever faster and faster
Until - oh dogastrophe! what a disaster!
The twirling was more than the afghan could handle -
He suddenly tripped and knocked over a candle,
Which fell on the curtains, which promptly caught fire
(Being old and quiet cheap), sending flames ever higher.

Some dogs broke the rule that forbade hind-leg-cocking
But the fire soon spread with a speed that was shocking.
"Don't panic!" barked Clive in a great fit of passion.
"Let's all try to leave in an orderly fashion!"
But that was an order they chose to ignore
As they scurried and scuttled like heck for the door.

As the last dog shot out of the hall with a bark
The lights all went phut! and the whole place went dark.
"Wait a minute!" said Clive to the panicking mutts.
"Our bottoms! Our bottoms! We must save our butts!"

So into the cloakroom they bumbled and tumbled
And soon all the bottoms were hopelessly jumbled
As every dog grabbed the first bottom they saw
And fled the great fire with a bum in their paw.

Luckily every dog got out alive
And no one was caught by the fire except clive
And some others whose tails had been singed all away
(Which is why all those dogs have no tails to this day).
And all the dogs' bottoms were rescued as well.
But because of the darkness no doggy could tell
Whose bottom was whose in the panic and scrum
So each dog went home with another dog's bum.

And ever since then when a pair of dogs meet
In the park or the playground, the woods or the street,
Each dog gives the other dog's bottom a sniff
To see if it has the particular whiff
Of the bottom they lost on the night of the ball
When the dogs hung their bums on the hooks in the hall.

Pin It
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...